What....what is THAT?!?!

The most interesting thing about the Adriana Papell Chiffon Dress at Dillards is not the dress, it turns out.

Pandatastic

Pandas are cute. You with this hat-scarf thing are not cute. You are just $118 poorer and 118% more likely to get beat up.

Chuggs

Full disclosure: we at VIYM are entirely against Uggs. There's almost nothing that makes us want to VIYM more than Uggs. When it came to our attention that there was a collab between Jimmy Choo and Ugg, we couldn't run to the toilet fast enough. We bring you...Chuggs. If we meet the person who gave Jimmy Choo a Bedazzler, we can't be responsible for what we might do.

The price on the craptastic and craftastic lovelies, above: almost $800. (but shipping is free!)

If you want your hideous dead-sheep slippers boots adorned with stars and fringe, or an animal print is more your speed, for under $600 you can grab yourself one of these:





Jimmy, you're making us hate you. We never thought that could happen. It makes us want to cry.

Wait, what's that? Burgundy patent pumps with an almond toe and subtle platform? Sigh. We forgive you.

Report: Fashion Week

This post has nothing to do with "Fashion Week," whatever that is, we just wanted to pretend we were cool enough to give a crap. Enjoy the suckage spotted around the web.

We admit; we just love Southwestern-themed clothing here. (That, and horses.) VIYMvalerie said of this Ralph Lauren sweater dress, "This makes me think some sad American Indian lost his smallpox-infested blanket, and then a rich white lady found it and turned into this ugly thing."




Let's leave the American Southwest and visit that country where old women wear fedoras and chew the leaves of the cocaine plant all day (from Ideeli):



Forget cocaine, you'd have to be on crack to wear this gold lamé garbage bag (also from Ideeli)



Modcloth, home of many hits and misses, gives us this hideosity, the "Approaching Autumn" boot. Autumn saw it approaching, turned, and ran away, which could explain why it was 113 degrees in Los Angeles this week:



Finally VIYMkatie spotted this Zac Posen clear vinyl belt, exclusively at Saks, which says a lot about the Saks buyers:

Anthropologie nails the 'poni'....to your sweater

{Actual customer review}

"I LUV PONIES!!!! i ride them every day. like EVERY DAY. and i bought this sweater for christmas for my 5 BFFS4L and we all wear them all the time whenever we have horseback riding parties and it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO kewt and flattering and reminds me of my passion for horses and all things related. luv luv luv luv luv. EVERY GURL NEEDS 1 IN THEIR CLOSET"

You heard it., folks....straight from the horse's mouth......ooooh zing!

Anthropologie 'Poni Sweater' $328 (but I've got a hunch it might be marked down eventually)

Cri de Coeur Fall Preview

Thanks be to Veggywood for the sneak peek at Cri de Coeur's upcoming Fall line.

We give mad props to this company for its dedication to eco-fashion, and we love that no animals are harmed in the pursuit of luxury. However, it's clear that "animal friendly" does not mean "cruelty free." Inflicting purple and leopard-print platform wedge disco booties on an unsuspecting consumer is nothing if not cruel.

No. He's. NOT!

If ever I wanted to vomit in my mouth...it's now.
And that's all I have to say about that.


ps. Photo credit to roflrazzi

The Pedicure Boot

"Anonymous sources tell us this exquisite piece will cause captivating controversy."

Costume National sandal boots, on sale for $378 (from $805) here.

"Star Trek" "Fashion"

Headbands are fun and they can enhance many a hair style. Modcloth says "You'll exhibit both good taste and high fashion when you wear this chic black headband with your evening gown and stilettos." Trust us - they cannot be trusted on this issue.

Because if you decide to purchase this headband ($79.99)...





...you may call to mind someone a bit outside the traditional fashion domain.


And, you know, that's your right, man. We just want you to know what you're getting yourself into.

She's a Super Freak, Super Freak

This saucy little outfit was actually Rick James' first choice for this album cover...

...but he decided it wasn't shiny enough. You see, this D&G sweatshirt is comfy-cozy cotton/spandex with genuine leather trim. It was originally $380, but you can get it here for a steal ($89)!

And in case you get caught in the rain while leaning against a lamp post, it has a hood:

(The pants wouldn't fit into over-the-knee boots, so don't even bother.)

Ugly Shoe Monday

This week's ugly shoes are all courtesy of Modcloth. Apologies in advance.

Tapestry clog-style wedges, Jeffrey Campbell, $118 here. These combine the iconic Beau Brummel paisley of the 1970s with a silhouette that evokes platform nurse's shoes.


Open-toed bootie, Irregular Choice, $154, here. I can't do better than their own description: "We have to wonder which came first - the bootie, the platform, or the heel?" The rest of us are wondering why they decided to stock it at all.

Striped sweater boots, $50, here (no designer will claim them). And now it's time for...shoe math!

They said it, so I don't have to.

Words escape me.

Really, Marc, really?! I really don't know what to say.

Stam and I are going to go sob quietly in the corner now.

Should you want to make your hips bigger you can find these shorts here. Tissues not included.

3/4 Length, 99% Transparency

This is (allegedly) a "skirt" by Costume National, available at Yoox for the sale price of $151 (originally $253). In case you cannot tell from the photos, Yoox kindly informs us that it is unlined.

I was hoping some insight about the designer would answer the WTF thought I had when I saw this. About the designer, Yoox says:

Ennio Capasa, Costume National’s designer, after graduating at the Accademia of Brera has been working together with Yohji Yamamoto. His essential and lean style has been defined “ A new cool and chich[sic] modernism” by the New York Times.

"Chich," they say. Of course, I thought this was a typo for "chic", but then I consulted Urban Dictionary to be sure. Definition #5 is:

Verb. To do something to another person so horrible that they would in fact rather have a pineapple shoved up their anus.

...and if you gave someone this skirt as a gift, "chich" may, in fact, be an appropriate descriptor.

Giddyup!

Yee-haw!
My little pony, my little pony...

Sit! Stay! Good purse.

Don't fall for their lines and believe that "if you catch this creative carryall, it will make you a fashion legend!" Yes, you will become a legend. But people will laugh behind your back. Or neigh.

God is watching you....

...aaaand apparently the "god's eye" is somewhere between your cleavage and your belly button, and also trimmed with metal. I did not know this.


"God's Eye Dress" by Antics- On sale here for a holy $149.99

Blighty Whiteys

Due to the possibly NSFW status of this item, we'll just link to it here (see the original website here).

(Courtesy of Regretsy, "Where DIY Meets WTF.")

Save a Horse; Ride a Designer

Women who love horses have no shortage of fashion choices. The Brits have equestrian looks, and in the U.S. we have western styles.

However, there is no country on Earth where these would be appropriate:



Made Me Women's Horse Rider Leggings now can be yours for $40, 60% off the regular price of $102.

Considering implants?

Before you make an appointment with a plastic surgeon, consider boosting your bust with all the crap you'd carry around, anyway!

Patty from Vallejo, CA says: "I wear mine everyday and stock it full of everything keys, lipstick, cash, atm, id, perfume, notepads, pen, and even my phone."

NotepadSSSS? Simply amazing.

Read more testimonials here.

Our first reader submission...

Dear Husband,

Our six year anniversary is coming up. If you get this for me I can't guarantee a seventh.

Anyone else think the fact that they couldn't even complete the back of the charm might say, "I love you....but not that much..."?
Available here

Thanks, Rene!

Cankles? No problem.

These sandals were fine... until they grew turtlenecks.

But, if you really want to cover up your ankles, or regrettable tattoos (got a dolphin, eh?), you can find them here.

Is prom season over?

Did I miss it? Am I too late?

Shoot! And this dress just went on sale here!

How Clogs Become Offensive

I...I just don't have anything to say that these don't say for themselves.