Toe Shoes from Hell

Normally we really like Vivienne Westwood. In this case, we'll make an exception.

In case you can't see what we see, note the "molded toe" that makes you look like you have feet like Fred Flintstone. Or Shrek. Or that your shoes are two sizes to small, and you wore them in the rain.


But it's time again for shoe math!

Get them here, for a mere $665. For gold, silver, and t-strap variations see here.

Chuggs

Full disclosure: we at VIYM are entirely against Uggs. There's almost nothing that makes us want to VIYM more than Uggs. When it came to our attention that there was a collab between Jimmy Choo and Ugg, we couldn't run to the toilet fast enough. We bring you...Chuggs. If we meet the person who gave Jimmy Choo a Bedazzler, we can't be responsible for what we might do.

The price on the craptastic and craftastic lovelies, above: almost $800. (but shipping is free!)

If you want your hideous dead-sheep slippers boots adorned with stars and fringe, or an animal print is more your speed, for under $600 you can grab yourself one of these:





Jimmy, you're making us hate you. We never thought that could happen. It makes us want to cry.

Wait, what's that? Burgundy patent pumps with an almond toe and subtle platform? Sigh. We forgive you.

Report: Fashion Week

This post has nothing to do with "Fashion Week," whatever that is, we just wanted to pretend we were cool enough to give a crap. Enjoy the suckage spotted around the web.

We admit; we just love Southwestern-themed clothing here. (That, and horses.) VIYMvalerie said of this Ralph Lauren sweater dress, "This makes me think some sad American Indian lost his smallpox-infested blanket, and then a rich white lady found it and turned into this ugly thing."




Let's leave the American Southwest and visit that country where old women wear fedoras and chew the leaves of the cocaine plant all day (from Ideeli):



Forget cocaine, you'd have to be on crack to wear this gold lamé garbage bag (also from Ideeli)



Modcloth, home of many hits and misses, gives us this hideosity, the "Approaching Autumn" boot. Autumn saw it approaching, turned, and ran away, which could explain why it was 113 degrees in Los Angeles this week:



Finally VIYMkatie spotted this Zac Posen clear vinyl belt, exclusively at Saks, which says a lot about the Saks buyers:

Cri de Coeur Fall Preview

Thanks be to Veggywood for the sneak peek at Cri de Coeur's upcoming Fall line.

We give mad props to this company for its dedication to eco-fashion, and we love that no animals are harmed in the pursuit of luxury. However, it's clear that "animal friendly" does not mean "cruelty free." Inflicting purple and leopard-print platform wedge disco booties on an unsuspecting consumer is nothing if not cruel.

The Pedicure Boot

"Anonymous sources tell us this exquisite piece will cause captivating controversy."

Costume National sandal boots, on sale for $378 (from $805) here.

Ugly Shoe Monday

This week's ugly shoes are all courtesy of Modcloth. Apologies in advance.

Tapestry clog-style wedges, Jeffrey Campbell, $118 here. These combine the iconic Beau Brummel paisley of the 1970s with a silhouette that evokes platform nurse's shoes.


Open-toed bootie, Irregular Choice, $154, here. I can't do better than their own description: "We have to wonder which came first - the bootie, the platform, or the heel?" The rest of us are wondering why they decided to stock it at all.

Striped sweater boots, $50, here (no designer will claim them). And now it's time for...shoe math!

Multiple Choice Quiz: Taryn Rose "Kelsey"

The worst thing about these is:


A. The matronly shape plus cha-cha-cha sequins

B. The original retail price of $425

C. The fact that there's only 4 left in stock as of 7 p.m. Pacific time at Rue la la.

D. All of the above.

Fear not; they're also at Zappos here.

Short + Brave?

Remember those tin-can stilts from elementary school phys ed? Remember how fun it was to teeter around on them because you just might break something? That daredevil fun is back. Come on everybody, let's all run with scissors!

Joe's Jeans "Brenda" for $180

The New Iconic Women's Clog

Iconic? Yes, if your fashion icon is a person that cannot decide whether she needs footwear for tramping through the mud or a fuzzy bedroom slipper, so she chooses an unholy marriage between the two. Speaking of marriage - this also serves as a sex deterrent when the "I have a headache" excuse isn't working.