How Clogs Become Offensive

I...I just don't have anything to say that these don't say for themselves.

What the what?

I couldn't hear you....let me put on my Giant Bunny Ears Hat and see if that helps.

Available at Asos for $33.82

Two Questions

1. What's with these "combo" pieces?



2. Do you think even SJP could pull this one off?

Alexander Wang Overalls. $451

Multiple Choice Quiz: Taryn Rose "Kelsey"

The worst thing about these is:


A. The matronly shape plus cha-cha-cha sequins

B. The original retail price of $425

C. The fact that there's only 4 left in stock as of 7 p.m. Pacific time at Rue la la.

D. All of the above.

Fear not; they're also at Zappos here.

Woopsey!

Dear Rachel Roy,

Your dresses are so pretty. What happened?

Love,
Us


If you, too, need to hide your accidents in public, the pants are available here.

Short + Brave?

Remember those tin-can stilts from elementary school phys ed? Remember how fun it was to teeter around on them because you just might break something? That daredevil fun is back. Come on everybody, let's all run with scissors!

Joe's Jeans "Brenda" for $180

Go "Topless"

"Topless Sandals" are the new summer footwear trend featured on "The Tony Danza Show." No straps required...they stick to your feet!

Want your "Topless Sandals" to look more like real sandals? "Toe Thongs" also are available.

Only $15 for both. That's slightly less than the cost of a pair of real sandals or one or more pairs of inexpensive rubber flip flops. Available at http://www.topless-sandals.com/

Sedona rebel

I live in Sedona with my sister, who is a teacher at the 'alternative' kindergarten. Unlike her, I don't believe in being bound by wage slavery. I am a rebel; I am an artist. I believe in appropriating the cultural images of our tribal neighbors. Symbols cannot be owned; this is an authoritarian, capitalistic view. I reject these classist notions because I am unfettered by bourgeois economic needs.

Regularly $620, it's currently half price here.

Friendly reminder as summer approaches

You do not look like her and, thus, cannot wear this.

Don't even try it.
Unless you want to look like a salami.

Hand me down

"Strategically placed" hand appliqués show your date exactly where to grope you after one too many mojitos. Available here.

Why does my boyfriend hate me?

My boyfriend gave me these shorts. What is this monstrosity, you ask? They're See by Chloe and they're called the Rolled Stretch Denim Boyfriend Shorts. I'm beginning to think that my boyfriend hates me.

Ugly Shoe Monday

Bahia Python Thong Sandals With Ankle Cuff

Cocobelle $70Zip Up Python Rainbow Gladiator Bootie Thongs...all the elements.

Mia $49.99
Uh?

Dolce & Gabbana $576

There's also a low top version, if you prefer.

Jimmy Choo $495
"Pull Me, Take Me, Love Me, Destine" Oh yes, now it all makes sense.

Giuseppe Zanotti $476

¡Mambo Caliente!

There's something about South Beach: the vibrant sunshine, the vintage glamour; the nightlife; the exotic, beautiful people. But in the late fall and winter, when the sun goes down, there can be certain chill wafting on the sea breezes.

Someday you may find yourself on Ocean Drive at 4 a.m. walking back to your Art Deco-era hotel on the arm of the hot Latin man, name unknown, with whom you've just danced for five hours. Although he's gallantly draped his linen Brioni sportcoat around your bare shoulders, you realize your ankles and calves are painfully cold.

This is why the Trasparenze Anachis Footless Knee High was invented. Available at Alex Blake.

Patriotism Gone Wrong

For your upcoming Memorial Day or Forth of July picnic, perhaps you were considering a new item of clothing to make your wardrobe a bit more patriotic. Well consider this VIYM special!

It would be ugly if it were just a printed tank, but no! It is not just a printed tank. It is SEQUINED. What screams "I have good taste!" more than taking an eagle head that you would expect to find painted on the side of an 80s van and turning it into a sequined work of art that you can wear around?

Pair with dirty frayed cutoff shorts (short enough for the pockets to show out the bottom) and some worn out generic keds that you wear with the backs all squished down because you only want to put your feet in the front half. High Class Patriotism.


Available at Modcloth for $37.99

The New Iconic Women's Clog

Iconic? Yes, if your fashion icon is a person that cannot decide whether she needs footwear for tramping through the mud or a fuzzy bedroom slipper, so she chooses an unholy marriage between the two. Speaking of marriage - this also serves as a sex deterrent when the "I have a headache" excuse isn't working.

Say it ain't so

The crop top trend is sneaking back, and while I'm not fully against it in theory (aka on size 00 models who have stylists putting their outfits together) I may be in reality (aka you and I).

Theory:

Reality:

Just sayin' is all.

I teach at the 'alternative' kindergarten of Sedona

"We teach our children that there are no right or wrong answers, only good feelings. We think that builds better self esteem than the 'conventionalized' schools that force kids to learn facts like numbers and letters. I love this dress, because I believe that a woman should not be be bound by non-spitirual things like 'clothes' or 'shaving her armpits'. The construction paper cutouts my students made to decorate the dress make me feel as though I am one with the mesas surrounding our home."

You, too, can have this Marni dress...for $1200

VIYM Video Moment

There's nothing about this that isn't VIYM-worthy.

A hat appropriate for GTL.

I woke up this morning needing to GTL. I couldn't run to the tanning salon with people seeing my unwashed bed head from last night's fiesta. So, I reached for my trusty diamond hat. Yes, you read that right, my hat has a diamond set in to it, Bitches. Jealous? Yeah, you should be because I'm that awesome.

I'm not going to tell you where I got this hat or how much it was. If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

Hot Topic Goes Uptown. Sort of.

"Classic denim styling is updated in bold, snake-patterned stretch jeans designed with lean, skinny legs." Or, if you prefer, "Hipster jeans with the allure of a skin disease contracted on a tropical vacation." Available at Nordstrom.

Floral Leggings

Have you ever had a nightmare where you are sitting in your grandmother's house and suddenly the room grows dark, a cackling laugh starts emanating from the closet, sparks shoot forth from the fireplace and the curtains fly off their rods, enveloping your poor frail body, suffocating the life out of you and, as darkness closes in, you weep for death by ugly floral prints? Not only can you relive that memory but you can force it on everyone you pass in the street when you wear these leggings.

Available from Modcloth, $17.99